Republicans Are Dangerous to Your Health

Washington, DC. The FDA is proposing today that Republicans come with warning labels, due to the inherent danger they pose the public.

"We have seen a decrease in tobacco-related deaths due to our graphic labeling of cigarettes," said Margaret Hamburg, FDA Commissioner, "and we strongly believe that Republicans should come with similar warnings. A tattoo that reads 'I'M GOING TO KILL YOU' clearly legible on the forehead of all elected officials of the Republican party would be a good first step."

The FDA has reached this conclusion due to the policies, beliefs and statements of GOP members that, like radon leaking into a basement, pose a serious health risk to the unaware.

"Whether it's cutting funding for NOAA and thus crippling our ability to deal with severe weather or refusing to deal with climate science itself, which they claim is fraudulent, people are going to die if they keep electing these dangerous people," the Commissioner added.

"I think a warning label is a good idea, but may not be enough," said Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT), "I mean these guys want to abolish OSHA, which will result in increased workplace deaths. So far we've been able to stop them from repealing The Child Labor Law, but if they retake the Senate, all bets are off."

"Hell yes, they're dangerous to our health," said firebrand congressman Alan Grayson (D-FL), "they want to repeal Obamacare and take away health insurance from 30,000,000 Americans. What would you call that?"

Further proposed labeling will include warnings regarding food stamp cuts, perpetual war, women's health, medical research, stand your ground laws, wanting every maniac to have a gun and a propensity for nonchalant, smiling evil.

©2013 Kona Lowell