Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Republicans Cry Foul Over Hillary Movies

Washington, DC. Yesterday, hysterically-named dysfunctional chairman of the RNC, Reince Priebus, demanded that both CNN and NBC cancel their productions of films about Hillary Clinton. CNN has a documentary in the works while NBC is planning a miniseries starring Diane Lane, who should look pretty amazing in a pantsuit.

Priebus claims that the films are nothing more than a “political ad masquerading as an unbiased production" and that the projects amount to a “major network’s thinly-veiled attempt at putting a thumb on the scales of the 2016 presidential election." He is further horrified that executives from these network have donated to Democrats and are now acting as "Hillary Clinton's campaign operatives." Should the two networks not abandon this blatant attempt to gin up votes for Ms. Clinton, Mr Priebus offers this dire threat, “If you have not agreed to pull the programming prior to the start of the RNC’s Summer Meeting on August 15, I will seek a binding vote of the RNC stating that the committee will neither partner with you in 2016 primary debates nor sanction primary debates which you sponsor.”

Now sane people may have realized several things at this point. One, Fox functions as a non-stop anti-Obama, anti-Democrat bullhorn 24 hours a day and has actually had a number of presidential candidates on its payroll and Mr. Priebus is blissfully unconcerned about that. Two, the GOP is not known for being overly worried about election fairness. Indeed there are some who would suggest that Republicans are in the process of thwarting fair elections. Three, two less Republican debates are not going to be missed by anybody in either party (what did they have last time, 27 or so?). And four, the Republicans are not prohibited from making movies or documentaries about any of the candidates they intend to have lose to Hillary Clinton.

Fox can help with this last item. They have the production facilities, a built-in audience and the money. And there is a wealth of Republican actors to draw from. Dennis Miller could play a wicked Rand Paul, with the right wig and sedation. Victoria Jackson would make an excellent Marsha Blackburn or whatever bat-shit crazy person with a vagina the GOP intends to run as proof that they don't really despise women and as a reasonable facsimile (they will assume) of Hillary. And as for directors, Paul Johansson who directed the blockbuster Atlas Shrugged series (part III scheduled to be released on July 4th, 2014) would be an excellent fit and should have plenty of time to work in more schlock.

And here's the thing. We Democrats will not complain. We won't demand that these movies be canceled or we'll take our ball and go home. We would love to see these movies. We have a sense of humor. And if Chris Christie decides to run for president, we won't even demand that reruns of The Sopranos be taken off the air.

©2013 Kona Lowell


  1. The fear about Hillary is actually palpable. You can feel it in their comments.

    Their bullying - don't they see how vulnerable and sorta freaked this makes them look? And I would love to see the mockumentaries on Fox. I promise to watch. I will bring popcorn I promise.

  2. I know. And there is still no guarantee that she will even run. But the Dems have a deep bench and the GOP has squat.