Sarah Palin. Say that name. Let it roll around in your mouth. Savor it like a fine whine. Now swallow. Hmmm. A wonderfully mawkish nose of intolerance, spite and rancor with a distinctive acidity and subtle flavors of moose shit and halibut with an early finish dominated by a slightly cloying note of fresh hundred dollar bills.
Fortunately, we do not need to say this name. Nor do we have to imagine what life would be like with Sarah Palin as Vice President. But we are not out of the woods yet. At present there are dozens of members of Congress and a score of candidates on next month's ballot that make Sarah Palin look like Rachel Maddow's smarter sibling. And the fact that should keep liberals up at night is that a good number of them are going to retain their seats and new ones will win.
Think about it. Joni Ernst of Iowa feels that she is well-suited for the Senate because she knows how to cut the balls off pigs. But considering that she has called President Obama a "dictator," thinks judges should base their decisions on the Bible, believes that states should nullify federal laws they don't approve of, and like all Republicans, wants to repeal Obamacare and thinks climate change is iffy, being a veteran pig-ball remover may be the nicest thing we can say about her.
Then there's Zach Dasher who's running for Congress in Louisiana, which should thrill anyone who thinks that Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson should be in charge of the country. See, Zach is Phil's beardless nephew. But don't let that lack of manly facial hair fool you, he's every bit as ignorant and intolerant as his uncle. Zach opines that atheism caused the Sandy Hook massacre, and would like to make his particular brand of Christian fundamentalism the law of the land. And you're worried about ISIS.
As if Wisconsin weren't hemorrhaging enough of the liberal ideas and plain good sense that made it a beacon of progressivism, here comes candidate for Congress, Glenn Grothman, to hopefully drain the last drop. Grothman, besides being another typical fundy nutbar, thinks there's a war on men, that sex ed makes kids gay and that you really don't need a weekend, you lazy punk. Of course this is pretty standard Tea Party doctrine, but Grothman also has a particularly frisky bug up his ass over Kwanzaa. Yes, Kwanzaa.
The evil morons running on the Republican side of the ticket, both new and used, are too numerous to detail here. And it would be laughable, until one considers that about half the people one meets will gladly vote for them. That's why we, the sane, informed people who live here and care whether this nation moves forward for all or backwards for a few, must turn out and vote in greater numbers in this coming mid-term election than the pundits believe possible or likely.
If not, you've had a taste of what's to come. I'd recommend a nice dollop of Cheez Whiz with that particular vintage.
©2014 Kona Lowell
You can hear a reading of this blog every Sunday at 9 AM Central at Brass Knuckle Progressives Radio.