Monday, January 19, 2015

Mitt Romney 3.0: Champion of the Poor

Washington, DC. Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren may not be seeking the nomination for president in 2016, but her populist message is being adopted by hopefuls on both sides of the aisle early on here in 2015. The most recent politician to do so is former Massachusetts governor and two-time presidential also-ran, Mitt Romney.

Mr. Romney, who in 2012 became the poster boy for corporate rapacity and nonchalant, well-bred indifference to the poor and middle class, has since experienced something of an epiphany when it comes to income inequality.

Addressing hundreds of well-heeled Republican National Committee members, and potential donors, recently in San Diego who had for some reason suddenly appeared aboard the aircraft carrier Midway, Mr. Romney made it clear that his focus would be on, as he called it, "the scourge of poverty."

Mr. Romney made it clear, between well-written one-liners, that to regain the White House Republicans must show a willingness to lift all people out of poverty, and that only Republicans are capable of accomplishing this economic and social justice turnaround. Although there were no particulars given as to how the GOP, notorious among the poor as the heavy-handed wielder of that so-called "scourge," would bring about this change, some possible solutions are cutting capital gains taxes, lowering the corporate tax rate and eliminating antiquated programs that keep the poor in bondage, like Meals on Wheels.

However, the biggest surprise of the evening came when Mr. Romney announced to the stunned audience that he would be selling his $12,000,000 La Jolla estate and moving into a double-wide trailer.

"I'm running for president for Pete's sake!" the former governor exclaimed.

The Romney's three story, 8,000 sq. ft.double-wide trailer sits on 14 acres in Napa Valley, has 8 bedrooms, 10 baths, an olympic-sized indoor swimming pool, a bowling alley, a theater, two helipads and of course a car elevator.

©2015 Kona Lowell


  1. Thank you, Kona...I always enjoy what you have to say, and find myself inspired as I often end up hoarse from laughing at your musings about the political landscape, especially regarding the Gee Oh Pee. I'd love to do a skit or two with you some day. Laughs make the poison of politics go down easier! =OD

  2. Thank you, James! That would be too much fun!