London, England. The Romney campaign is furiously scrambling to avert yet another foreign policy disaster by sending apologies to Poland and Israel before he arrives.
"It seemed like the best thing to do," said Matt Rhoades, Romney campaign manager, "since Governor Romney will not be on the teleprompter and will often be forced to take a stab at behaving like an actual human."
The presumptive Republican nominee committed several gaffs upon arriving in London, but did apologize for asking if dentistry was still illegal in Britain, how they managed to remove all flavor from their food and for mistaking the Queen for a member of the Monty Python troupe.
"I loved Braveheart!" he said, to assembled media. "I love being able to disembowel people."
The campaign is hoping to make it back to the US with a minimum of embarrassment in the two remaining countries.
"It's going to be close," Rhoades said, "but I think we've convinced the governor that the joke about Polish women wearing one sock would be best left out and that those things are called "yarmulkes," not beanies and that they never have propellers on them."
©2012 Kona Lowell