Friday, July 27, 2012

Romney Submits Preemptive Apologies to Poland, Israel

London, England. The Romney campaign is furiously scrambling to avert yet another foreign policy disaster by sending apologies to Poland and Israel before he arrives.

"It seemed like the best thing to do," said Matt Rhoades, Romney campaign manager, "since Governor Romney will not be on the teleprompter and will often be forced to take a stab at behaving like an actual human."

The presumptive Republican nominee committed several gaffs upon arriving in London, but did apologize for asking if dentistry was still illegal in Britain, how they managed to remove all flavor from their food and for mistaking the Queen for a member of the Monty Python troupe.

"I loved Braveheart!" he said, to assembled media. "I love being able to disembowel people."

The campaign is hoping to make it back to the US with a minimum of embarrassment in the two remaining countries.

"It's going to be close," Rhoades said, "but I think we've convinced the governor that the joke about Polish women wearing one sock would be best left out and that those things are called "yarmulkes," not beanies and that they never have propellers on them."

©2012 Kona Lowell


  1. LOLOLOL, Kona. I'm almost afraid to see what he is going to do on the remainder of his tour. He really has rattled the British. He thought he could go to London and make their Olympics a platform about himself. The depths of his arrogance knows no bounds.

    On a serious note, Romney is a loose cannon and oblivious to the meaning of tact. I wouldn't put it past him to cause an international crisis for our country. Where the hell are his advisers?

    1. Well, most of his advisers are neocon holdovers from the Bush administration, so international crises are right up their alley.

  2. he needs to be forcible gagged,tied,and brought home,he is a American terrorist! he is wrecking any credibility President Obama has repaired for our country,since the fiasco of the g.w. reign.He will make enemies with our allies,with his stupidity.but...........on the other hand,maybe his stupid,rude remarks,will show voters here,that he is not capable of leading a country.

    1. That is my hope, but I do like the idea of him being tied up and gagged.