Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Romney Becomes Mexican to Woo Latino Vote

Washington, DC. With Latinos now the fastest growing demographic in the United States, comprising 16% of the population (and polling heavily for President Obama) Republican candidate Mitt Romney was faced with the very real possibility that his campaign was a losing proposition — until now.

Campaign manager Matt Rhoades announced this morning that Governor Romney would now be fully embracing his Mexican roots.

"Hola. Gobernador Rrrrrromney's padre was born in Mexico, as you all know, so from now on we will be celebrating that fact by letting Senor Rrrrrromney be who he truly is — a proud Mexican. Gracias."

Mr. Romney looked stylish as he entered his bus wearing a black and gold sombrero, boots and greca suit as his mariachi band belted out the sonorous rhythms of La Cucaracha.

"Adios, mi amigos! Arriba! Arriba! Ándale! Ándale!" he shouted, as the doors closed.

Mr Rhoades informed the press that Mr. Romney's advisor on all things Latino is their gardener, Manuel, who has assured them that these steps are absolutely guaranteed to win the Hispanic vote.

"It's amazing how helpful Manuel has been, especially after being fired after all those years of service."

Mr. Rhoades, attired in bandido garb with a black sombrero and dual ammunition belts, was detained momentarily for not having a press badge, but informed security who he was and that he didn't "need no stinkin' badges."

©2012 Kona Lowell