Friday, June 29, 2012

How to Ace Your Job Interview

The following is a sneak peek from my yet unfinished 3rd book, provided here for my loyal readers.

How to Ace Your Job Interview

   Jobs today are not as plentiful as they once were, so it’s crucial when interviewing for a position to make a good impression immediately, as there are likely several other applicants waiting in the wings. So to guarantee that your interview will be a success, I have compiled a short list of suggestions which will be helpful for the first-time job-seeker or the veteran applicant.

   Attire is very important. The impression that one creates upon entering the interview room can make all the difference. Therefore, avoid wearing an ascot and captain’s yachting hat, unless that’s the job you are interviewing for.

   It is not advisable to bring a lunch to one’s interview, but if you do, always put your napkin in your lap and chew with your mouth closed.

   Do not begin your interview by asking, “So, what do you do here?”

   If chewing tobacco, always bring you own cup to spit in.

   Do not ask, “Where’s the break room?” before beginning your interview.

   Eye contact is very important. Always pretend you are having a staring contest with a cat.
   Some companies will require a urine test for drugs, but always wait until they ask you to provide a sample. Do not use the interviewer’s coffee mug.

   Manners are still important. Always say “Excuse me” when you fart.

   Leave your dog at home or in the truck.

   If one is a Mormon or a Jehovah’s Witness, do not proselytize or hand the interviewer a Watchtower or any other religious tract unless they give you the secret handshake.

   Consider not mentioning the fact that John Wayne Gacy was your cousin.

   A cheerful disposition is a plus. Laugh long and loudly at every question.

   Wear matching shoes.

   A compliment will go a long way. If the interviewer is female, always say something positive about her attire or appearance and wink.

   Always place one’s handgun on the table and be sure it is not loaded.

   When using former cellmates as references, be sure to include prisoner ID numbers.

Do not go to sleep until the interview is over.

©2012 Kona Lowell