Speedbump, PA. Dedicated Romney supporters and casual passersby provided an attentive audience today for presumptive presidential nominee Mitt Romney as his bus tour stopped at small towns along the route. Immediately, the candidate regaled the tens of people with endearing and encouraging fictions.
"My surrogate is former Gov. Rendell, who said we could win
Pennsylvania," Romney said. "I'm happy to hear that, so we're happy to
be here and see some folks here."
That former Governor Rendell is actually an Obama supporter did not faze the cheering crowd, most of whom had heard of their former governor before.
Romney continued with a well-rehearsed list of calumny, pretended to eat a sandwich, then boarded his bus, leaving many in his wake nodding their heads in agreement while shifting their toothpicks from one side of their mouths to the other.
Billy "Piehole" Johnson, worm farmer and Romney supporter, summed it up:
"You know how your wife goes and puts on a new pair of spandex pants and then asks you if it makes her look fat? You always say 'hell no,' right? Even if she looks like a bright pink bratwurst with a camel toe. Hell, she already knows she's fat, but she wants to hear you say she ain't. Then she can shovel another half gallon of tin roof down her yap. Same thing with politics.
"We all know Romney's a liar, but damn it, we like the lies. That's why we watch Fox. And wrestling. It's like Christmas, you know. More fun when you believe in Santy Claus. You know, I can be the first billionaire worm farmer if we just give the rich guys more money."
"You actually believe that?"
"Hell no! But it makes being a worm farmer with a fat wife in pink spandex pants a hell of a lot easier to take."
©2012 Kona Lowell