Friday, November 9, 2012

The Republicans Figure It All Out

Washington, DC. On the heels of their historic defeat Tuesday night, Republicans are facing the reality of their loss and making plans for future elections. Most are now realizing that they had a winning message, but did not deliver that message in an effective way.

"A lot of Americans saw our party as being overly concerned about the top 1%," said Speaker John Boehner (R-OH). "Our mistake was not pointing out that we're really for the little guy. I mean, what's larger? 1% or 99%? We just didn't get this across."

"We needed better outreach to the Latino community," said Marco Rubio (R-FL). "Instead of talking about self-deportation, we should have offered them bus tickets. And a sack lunch."

"We blew it on women's issues," said Mitch McConnell (R-KY) "and that really cost us. Next time we'll keep all our crazier members in the basement and not use the "R" word so much. And we'll find Republican women who will deliver a solid, anti-woman message. Women always trust other women. They've got one brain between them."

"We need to get out there in the African-American community and fight for their vote," said Reince Priebus (RNC Chairman). We already have, what, five Black Republicans? We can build on this. We just need to teach our guys to rap. Or play basketball. And maybe lose those pictures of Obama with a bone through his nose."

"I think we did everything right," said Steve King (R-IA) "we just don't have enough white people. I suggest we do some serious breeding. Or we could just import more white people. From Germany."

©2012 Kona Lowell