Thursday, March 14, 2013

GOP Formulates Plan to Recapture Women's Vote

Washington, DC. Heads of the Republican party met Wednesday to discuss the disastrous loss of the women's vote in the 2012 election. President Obama took advantage of an 18-point gender gap to retake the White House and this trend shows no signs of reverting in the near future.

"We cannot win if we don't have the American women behind us," said Mitch McConnell (R-KY). "Other than repealing the 19th Amendment, we must entice women back to the Republican party. So we are meeting to devise a way to do that. I suggest free vacuum cleaners. Women love vacuum cleaners."

"Women have the totally wrong idea that we just want them barefoot and pregnant," remarked Roy Blunt (R-MO), "and nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, we are working on a subsidy to provide free house slippers."

"I think the cool GOP aprons are a great idea," said Ron Johnson (R-WI), "and they have this really neat picture of Sarah Palin riding an elephant with a beautiful cake in one hand and an AR-15 in the other. What woman worth her pearls wouldn't wear that with pride while cooking tater tots for her man?"

"Well, I like the Studs of the GOP calendar idea," said Paul Ryan (R-WI), "because it gives me a chance to take my shirt off. Check out these abs. And feel these gunboats. Yeah. Tell me women aren't going to vote for this! Got any water?"

Personally, I'm flummoxed," said Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell, " I mean we gave them free transvaginal ultrasounds! Free as in FREE! What more do they want? Equal pay? Geez, some people are never happy."

©2013 Kona Lowell


  1. LOL ... wouldn't surprise me if they aren't thinking like this ... they are the Soul of Clueless.

  2. Truly. Hard to write satire about these guys.