The Boehner Legacy: A Crying Shame

The Washington pundits are in a collective lather over not whether immigration reform will be passed but as to whether Speaker John Boehner will hang on to his job and finally leave the position with his legacy intact. While that's more enjoyable to speculate on than whether 11,000,000 people living and working here will finally have some means of legitimizing their existence, it entirely misses the point: Boehner's legacy is going to suck out loud regardless.

Recent polling shows Americans' approval of Congress at a record low of 6%. This means that most of us look more favorably on acquiring a variety of embarrassing and uncomfortable STD's than the job these people are doing. And the bulk of the anger is directed not at Democrats, but at John Boehner's fractured, ideologically-driven clown car of a caucus.

As you might recall, John Boehner began his speakership with a rousing, gin-soaked cry of, "Mr. President, where are the jobs (hic)?" after which he did exactly nothing about getting any meaningful jobs legislation passed, but did watch with grim delight as his fellow travelers in the Senate filibustered the American Jobs Act.

So to look busy, he presided over 37 meaningless attempts to repeal Obamacare, a masturbatory Tea Party fantasy which delighted these ersatz fiscal conservatives, but cost taxpayers 55 million bucks.

Of course Boehner has to do things like this (and waging a non-stop blitzkrieg on women's reproductive rights and equality) because people in his own party, especially the ones named after an American historical event they know absolutely nothing about, hate his fucking guts. If he does anything that makes Obama and the Democrats look like they are helping their fellow Americans, he's finished as speaker.

Yes, the Tea Party gets their jollies by thwarting all legislation Boehner tries to pass, as was evident in the recent Farm Bill debacle, and will be in their rejection of any meaningful immigration reform. Apparently, this is as close to actually tea-bagging Mr. Boehner as they can get, what with the decorum expected in the House. Yes, they are dolefully resigned to simply feeding him his own balls.

And now, Mr. Boehner is even hearing rumblings from moderates in his own party. So the Grim Weeper faces an unenviable decision: he can pass meaningful legislation that will benefit the country and lose his job, or he can do the bidding of the Tea Party racists, misogynists and morons, keep his job, and send the Republican Party into oblivion for years to come.

One would suppose this would be an easy choice for a man with a broken moral compass and the backbone of an inebriated night crawler, but it isn't. But whatever his choice, here's to John Boehner limping off the stage with his tail between his legacy.

©2013 Kona Lowell