It's Complicated

It can be distressing when a loving couple you've known for years separate. You want to remain friends with both, but it gets complicated. And there's always someone who simply refuses to accept that the union is over. They make it their perpetual mission to reunite the two, employing ridiculously juvenile tactics to bring the pair back together.

You know the sort of plan: invite both to a party or an intimate dinner without telling either that the other will be there as well. The belief behind this scheme is that neither will be furious and that both will suddenly realize they just can't bear to be apart any longer. Magically, all will be well and they'll live happily together ever after.

While this works in Hollywood, it almost never does in real life.

The Republicans are like that person who just can't adjust to his friends, Church and State, being separated. They will do anything to get them back together again.

See, they miss the good old days when Church and State just couldn't keep their hands off each other. Church and State's PDA's were legendary. If iPhones had been around, TMZ would have video of them fucking in the street. And on the throne. And on the altar. Of course they were much younger then.

Republicans really miss that, because a theocracy would be so much friendlier to them and their wealthy backers. So they devise little schemes to get them back together, like putting the Ten Commandments in government buildings, schools and courthouses. And even though most Republicans could not recite them if you held a gun to their heads, they figure Church and State will remember how much fun they used to have together enforcing laws by divine right and get back to some serious street-fucking again.

Of course they have other ways of getting Church and State back together. Making abortion and gay rights a religious issue. Making foreign policy bible-based. Implying that our military is doing God's work. Referring to America as a "Christian nation." Demanding prayer in school. Loudly lamenting phony wars on religion and Christmas. Making one's faith or lack thereof a campaign issue. And of course using selected out-of-context verses from the Bible to legitimize the trampling of the poor, women, ethnic minorities, workers and anyone else who might have a contrary view or is just in the way.

"Hello, Church? Hi there, darlin'! This is the GOP. Well, I just wanted to invite you to a little Congressional hearing we're throwin' tonight. No, just good fun, a few friends, you know. Sure, darlin', see you at eight!"

The Republicans will never give up. They don't believe the separation can last. Church and State were meant for each other. But it's over. This is not a trial separation. They've got their papers.

We call them "The Constitution."

©2014 Kona Lowell

You can hear a reading of this blog every Sunday at 9 AM Central at Brass Knuckle Progressives Radio.