Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Hitler: Not Who You Think He Is

The National Historical Institution has launched a new information campaign designed to inform the American public as to the historic reality of the Third Reich's leader, Adolph Hitler. This massive undertaking was prompted by a recent survey that revealed that 74% of Americans remain unclear who the German Fuhrer actually was and what he did to make his name synonymous with unchecked evil and rampant government control.

Dr. William Maxim, chairman of the project, Hitler: Not Who You Think He Is, said that the campaign will face many obstacles due to the vast amount of misinformation circulating among the public.

"We face a truly herculean task," Dr. Maxim stated, "We live in a country that is historically and reality-challenged, or in simple layman's terms, too fucking stupid to breed. For example, here are some of the survey responses to the very first question, "Who is Adolph Hitler?":

"The guy who played keyboards in Sparks. I'd recognize that mustache anywhere."  R. Mandrake, CA

"Saddam Hussein." G. W. Bush, Dallas, TX

"He's that dude that freaks about the new iPad down in that bunker thing. Saw it on YouTube." D. Ignoranti, NJ

"Obama. I've seen the posters. He's gonna take our guns and make us talk with a lisp." B. J. Baggley, OK

"Bashar al-Assad." J. Kerry, Washington, DC

"You see?" Dr. Maxim continued, "No one has a fucking clue! But we're hoping that with Schwarzenegger doing the voice over, some people will pay attention."

There was one group, however, that tested very well, that being the neo-Nazis and Aryan Nation members. They had a good grasp on the historic Hitler and were unlikely to refer to someone they disagreed with as the former Fuhrer.

"Adolph Hitler was the greatest man who ever lived. Heil Hitler!" said Ted Schmuck, Hayden Lake, ID.

"So if you think Hitler's so great, you're somewhat at a loss for an historically, irredeemably evil person to compare others to."

"Well, we've always got Lincoln."

©2013 Kona Lowell

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