Monday, September 16, 2013

The Great Ted Cruz Hoax

When Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) said recently that "We need 100 more like Jesse Helms in the U.S. Senate," thinking, moral people, in other words, liberals, went ballistic. How could this guy stand there and lovingly laud the last openly and proudly racist member of the US Senate, a man who went to his grave defiantly unrepentant of his life of overt bigotry, racism, misogeny and hatred? How could a present-day senator like Cruz, at a time when minority votes are becoming even more scarce for the Republican party, align himself with such a loathsome figure as Helms was/is to the LGBT community, minorities and women?

Seems almost suicidal, doesn't it? Of course it is. Until you realize exactly what is going on.

Ted Cruz is an imposter. It's an act. And you've seen something like it before.

In the coming months, so-called "Senator Cruz" will start a campaign to have Nathan Bedford Forrest immortalized on a US postage stamp. Forrest, it may be remembered, was a Confederate general and cavalry leader who also served as the first Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan.

Next, he will demand that Little Black Sambo be required reading in all kindergartens throughout the country and that D. W. Griffith's Birth of a Nation be shown every Sunday night on Fox, without commercial interruption.

He will then demand that legislation be enacted that will force gay people to wear little pink triangles and that will require women to walk three paces behind men. He will also try to outlaw all contraception and attempt to make it illegal for women to attend college or vote or wear pants.

He will suggest stoking furnaces with baby fur seals for home heating and insist that the Sequoia National Forest be clear-cut and that the General Sherman tree be burned for heresy.

He will propose the demolition of every house of worship nationwide that is not Southern Baptist, that Dixie be the National Anthem and that everyone north of the Mason-Dixon Line be forced to use southern accents, eat grits and listen to Hank Williams, Jr.

He will begin to croon (badly) on the Senate floor.

By this time, even the Republicans will become uncomfortable.

But he will give it all away when he challenges Nancy Pelosi to a wrestling match.

Told you Andy Kaufman wasn't dead.

©2013 Kona Lowell