Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Complete Bullshit

As you have probably heard, CBS experienced a slight hiccup in its award-winning 60 Minutes history recently when part-time journalist and full-time Benghazi conspiracist, Lara Logan, ran a piece on that fateful incident that has since proven to be complete bullshit.

The segment, which Logan researched for an entire year (between Zumba classes and hair and nail appointments), relied solely on a supposed witness to the tragedy, one Dylan Davies, also known as Morgan Jones, Wink Guano, Limey-Z and Curveball. So enthralled by Mr. Davies' improbable tale and charming accent were the honchos at CBS, that they had one of the divisions at their own Simon & Schuster publish his yarn in a book entitled The Embassy House: The Explosive Eyewitness Account of the Libyan Embassy Siege by the Soldier Who Was There, even though he had told the FBI he was actually sorta not there. Unfortunately, even the catchy title was not enough to save the day and the whole account proved to be complete bullshit. The publisher has since pulled it from distribution, although Republicans are still convinced it is as genuine as their undying love for the middle class.

Of course this could mean only one thing, that being that Ms. Logan would be immediately terminated at CBS, as they had done when award-winning journalist and American icon Dan Rather erred in running a faultily substantiated story regarding George W. Bush being a worthless, draft-dodging alcoholic partyboy who got into the National Guard with a lot of string-pulling and then jerked off the whole time, only showing up for duty when he hadn't had too much blow. Although entirely true, it cost Rather his career. So one would expect Ms. Logan to experience an equally punitive fate for a story that was complete bullshit.

Not so. Ms. Logan did appear on 60 Minutes to say, "Oops! Tee hee. My bad!" but will continue, between blowjobs of CBS executives, to do her trademark word processing. Rumor has it she is busy on an in-depth piece detailing President Obama's legion of gay lovers, cocaine use and Kenyan-bred hatred for America and white people. Her source is apparently someone named Benn Gleck.

Which left it up to Jeff Fager, CBS News chairman and executive producer of 60 Minutes, to offer this explanation/apology:

"We at CBS are dreadfully sorry if anyone got the impression that the embassy attack and resulting deaths in Benghazi were Hillary Clinton or President Obama's fault, but we were only trying to offer Fox viewers an alternative propaganda source. From now on we will focus our attention on the failed Obamacare rollout and the impending armageddon that the implementing of this law is certain to cause. Again, the Benghazi tragedy being Hillary Clinton and President Obama's fault remains unproven. So far. Thank you."

And thank you, Mr. Fager, for revealing what the initials CBS really stand for: complete bullshit.

©2013 Kona Lowell


  1. Sheer. Perfection.

  2. The network of Murrow and Cronkite has become the tag team of Vader and Voldemort...

  3. Hah! And you just made my day! Thank you!

  4. Lara Logan: "between Zumba classes and hair and nail appointments". Not to mention the low-cut dress and the (probably enhanced) cleavage that screams "bimbo" when a woman should be trying to appear professional. (And this on a woman who was assaulted in Egypt last year or the year before, and first came to national attention due to that assault.) She's a poor excuse for a female journalist, in my catty opinion.