Monday, November 18, 2013

The Year of Living Dangerously Stupid

Washington, DC. With the administration bending to Republican pressure, and also that of some frightened Democrats, to allow a small percentage of the population to retain "junk" insurance policies for another year that do not meet the even the basic standards outlined by the Affordable Care Act, otherwise known as Obamacare, creative entrepreneurs in other industries are seizing the moment to offer substandard alternatives for dangerously stupid people.

With us today is one such visionary, Tony Z, who has brought with him a prototype automobile which he claims will sell for only $1,000. "Good morning, Tony! That is actually a very beautiful looking car. How can you possibly sell it for a thousand dollars?"

"Piece of cake. We don't put anything in it that costs money. But it'll purr like a kitten at a good 40 miles per hour. Look at that paint job. Like a fucking mirror."

"How about airbags?"

"Hey, airbags are for pussies. We eliminate all those expensive safety features. This car is for people who like to live dangerously. But look, it is environmentally friendly. It's built entirely out of recycled soda cans."

"How did it fare in the crash tests."

"Ever see an accordion? But this baby looks great in the driveway. It's a real head-turner."

"It really is quite beautiful. But I noticed you did not drive it here to the interview but have instead hauled it on a trailer."

"Do I look like Evel fucking Knievel? I'm a business man, not a daredevil."

"So how do you propose to sell a car that isn't safe to drive?"

"Hey, it's perfectly safe, as long as you don't have an accident, stop really fast or get bumped into by a shopping cart in the parking lot. Any way, we have a majority of House Republicans pulling for us. The Libertarians are a fucking lock."

"Remarkable. But how did you ever get Volvo to allow you to use their logo?"

"That doesn't say Volvo."

"Well I'll be darned! You're right! That first "o" is really a "u" and the second "o" is really an "a."!

"Yeah. Cute, huh? Goes with our slogan: For the fuck of your life."

" I think you have a winner, sir."

©2013 Kona Lowell

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