GOP Looking for New Means of Political Suicide

Washington, DC. Distraught over the defeat of the Blunt Amendment, but not yet ready to surrender, the GOP is today searching for new ways to commit political suicide.

"We had the perfect chance here of relegating our party to the trash heap of History, but were narrowly defeated," said Roy Blunt (R-MO), "but we are not giving up. We still plan to make it our party's signature issue to remove all health choices from American women, including not only abortion, but the availability of birth control, prenatal care, mammograms, cancer screenings and other frivolous health measures that merely prolong life."

"But Senator Blunt, it is generally understood that this is just not a popular agenda. It is unlikely that legislation like this can ever pass. If you are intent on political suicide, might you not need to find some other legislation that can be equally damaging to your party's future?"

"We are ready for that, David. We have a lot of arrows in our quiver. If trying to set women's health back a hundred years doesn't do it, we still have plans to repeal child labor laws, abolish Social Security and Medicare, give more tax breaks to billionaires while increasing taxes on the middle class, deregulating everything and smashing unions."

"But you're already doing that Senator."

"We still have an ace up our sleeve, David."

"And that would be?"

"Reinstating slavery, David. Reinstating slavery."

"That might do it, sir. You can't survive by winning only the southern states."

©2012 Kona Lowell