Tampa, FL. Last night legendary actor/director Clint Eastwood chose to end a half-century, mostly-brilliant career by stumbling and bumbling his way through a nasty and poorly rendered take-down of President Obama in front of millions of astonished TV viewers instead of just shooting himself in the head.
"I thought it came off pretty well," the grizzled actor said. "I played The Man with No Name in several spaghetti westerns and this time I thought I'd give The Man with No Brain a shot. Hey, can you get some kind of award for these things? I've got a bare spot on my mantelpiece."
The cringe-inducing fiasco, already being fashioned into a one-man play by Sam Shepard (Man with Empty Head Talks to Empty Chair), is the talk of all Hollywood and the social media.
"Good God, I thought my career was over for being a full-on, bigoted Republican wobblefuck," said Jon Voight, has-been, "but Clint just made me look like a voice of reason. I'm calling Kelsey Grammer right now. Maybe he can get me a guest on The Boss. If not, there's still Dancing with the Stars, if these new hips hold up."
Meanwhile, the Obama administration has finally managed to stop laughing.
©2012 Kona Lowell