Friday, August 31, 2012

A Little Unsolicited Advice for the Romney Campaign

Whoever the special effects wizard was that made Romney and Ryan up to resemble kewpie dolls for the RNC, next time, go a bit lighter on the blush. Second, get Romney voice lessons. His plaintive, whiny, keening delivery is not helped by the habit of dropping the pitch at the end of every sentence. It gives the distinct impression that he is boring himself as well. He also needs to learn to speak in a lower register, like, oh I don't know, Obama maybe? It sounds like his magic underwear is too constricting. Finally, teach him a new facial expression. The old one — or rather the only one — used to express dismay, happiness, anger, earnestness or any other emotion in the human experience, is unconvincing if the point is to not appear to be a soulless automaton that spits out lies and gives not a fuck.

You're welcome.

©2012 Kona Lowell


  1. You realize of course that what you are talking is a complete overhaul of their internal workings. Springs have sprung, joints are SCREAMING for oil, and the whole thing needs to be set not to wind QUITE SO TIGHT.

    In other words it will never happen.

  2. "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold"