GOP Working to Attract Minority, Women, Gay and Union Voters

Washington, DC. Republican pollster Frank Luntz and campaign guru Karl Rove have teamed up to draw minority, gay, women and union voters to the Republican Party.

"We are going to need all these votes to win in November," said Luntz. "especially the Hispanic vote."

"That's exactly right, Frank. People look at our persecution of minorities, our dehumanizing of the LGBT community, our assault on women's health and rights and our efforts to stomp out unions and assume we don't want these people to vote for our candidates," said Rove. "Nothing could be further from the truth."

"Exactly, Karl! But you and I realize from personal experience that playing hard-to-get is very attractive."

"It sure is, Frank. We both went through that in high school. That girl drove me nuts. Never could get a date with her. She called me the Pillsbury Dough Boy. But I eventually hired her years later and boy did I get even."

"That's right. Same thing happened to me. See, voters like to be mistreated. Americans are basically masochists, so the more we act like we hate them, the more they will simply have to vote for us."

"Worked with Bush."

"Goddamn right, Karl. You dated girls? What was it like?"

©2012 Kona Lowell