Washington, DC. Having spent the past couple years as the butt of late night comedians' jokes, the GOP is desperately trying to gain control of the situation.
"We thought that with Herman Cain, Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann out of the race, we might catch a break," said RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, "but Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney have taken up the slack. We just can't stop making people laugh. Hell, even my name is ridiculous. Sounds like an STD."
"With Mitt constantly saying something face-palm worthy, Santorum frothing at the mouth about religion, birth control and the perils of education and Gingrich talking moon bases," said Karl Rove, GOP strategist, "we may as well just join the writing staffs for Letterman, Colbert, Stewart, Conan, SNL and all the rest of them. We're writing this shit for them anyway."
"Fortunately, I have come up with a very workable idea," said Frank Luntz, putz, "that will put an end to the far-left comedians' seemingly bottomless well of GOP material. I have instructed all candidates, except Ron Paul, to say nothing. When asked a question, they are to stare at the camera and smile. Sort of like Reagan. If they don't say anything, they can't make fun of them. Piece of cake."
"So did you see the smile on Romney today?" asked David Letterman tonight, "I've seen Doberman Pinschers with friendlier smiles."
"Apparently, Rick Santorum has taken a vow of silence," said Jon Stewart tonight on the Daily Show, "or somebody tied his bleep to his tongue."
"Newt, we liked you better when you just frowned a lot and predicted Armageddon," said Conan O'Brien this evening, "Much sexier, Commander Moonbat. But a picture's worth a thousand words. Unfortunately, all one thousand of them are "Ha."
©2012 Kona Lowell
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