Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Nation Breathes Collective Yawn of Relief as Romney Wins 5 More

Washington, DC. Governor Mitt Romney inched closer to the inevitable Republican nomination last night with primary wins in New York, Delaware, Connecticut, Rhode Island and Pennsylvania. Pumping up the troops with a rousing victory speech, Governor Romney urged those still awake to "hold on a little longer, a better America begins tonight."

"I love America," Mr. Romney continued, "We have the right number of states. Fifty or so. America is the best country in the universe. President Obama is out of touch. America is beautiful. Our best days are just ahead of us. Right over there. See? Next to that orange thing. President Obama is in over his head. I love my wife. She's an American. I love this country and I love my wife. President Obama wants to apologize for America. You know why? He hates my wife. And America. We walk tall, because we're Americans. Or circus clowns on stilts. American clowns. The best clowns in the galaxy. I love this galaxy. It has the right number of stars. President Obama wants to apologize to the galaxy. I ran a business for 25 years. I love business. I love American business. I'm not apologizing for being severely successful. God bless America and God bless the United States."

Meanwhile, Newt Gingrich has announced that he will announce that he will suspend his campaign in 6 days unless he changes his mind and doesn't announce that. Also, his books and tapes are available at 50% off, but this offer won't last forever, unless it does.

©2012 Kona Lowell

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