Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Romney Scores Major Coup with Manson Endorsement

Corcoran State Prison, CA. The Romney campaign is celebrating yet another celebrity endorsement today after meeting with Charles Manson at Corcoran State Prison. After the short meeting, Mr. Manson, 77, strongly endorsed Governor Romney's candidacy.

"I'm a big Second Amendment guy, you know. Governor Romney assures me that he will keep as many guns in the hands of people like me as possible. Plus, I was always a big fan of Joseph Smith. Man, could that dude start a fucking cult or what? Plus, Romney really has that killer instinct, you know. It's helter skelter, man. It's going down. You can forget the Tin Man. He sold it all to the grasshoppers. We'll be eating beets out of gold fucking cans. Carry my cross, motherfucker. Carry my cross."

Mr. Manson, who was recently denied parole for the 12th time after bragging to a prison psychologist that "I'm a very dangerous man" is of course ineligible to vote in the upcoming election, but plans to start a massive letter-writing campaign to put Romney over the top.

"You know what's really fucked up?" Mr. Manson queried, "I wanted to start a race war. All I had to do was vote Republican. Fuck me. I'm not eating that bacon, Santa. Adios muchachos."

©2012 Kona Lowell

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