Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Ben Nelson Tired of Fucking Democrats, Retires

Cornhole, NE. Staunch Democrat Ben Nelson (D-NE) is expected to announce his retirement from the Senate later today. With a total of 23 Democratic seats up for reelection this year, compared to 10 seats for Republicans, many top party officials have been pleading with Nelson to run for one more term, but the Nebraska Democrat is standing firm.

"Look, I'm 70 years old. I've had a long and distinguished career, but I just don't have the energy I used to have and fucking the entire Democratic Party in the ass day after day is taking its toll on me. That's a young man's job. So the best thing I can do is to quit right now and hopefully help in handing the Senate back to the Republicans, God bless 'em. Besides, wearing this damn rug day in and day out makes my head itch."

Meanwhile In Iowa, the ad war between Romney and Gingrich continues with both candidates vying for the title of Most Disinterested in the Middle Class.

© Kona Lowell

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