Thursday, December 8, 2011

Limbaugh Finds Soulmate in Gingrich

Fort Viagradale, FL. Conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh has apparently reversed his opinion of Newt Gingrich and is showing positive signs of supporting his candidacy. Said Limbaugh Monday:

"Who was the last person to actually cut government? Who was the last person who actually led a movement that balanced the federal budget? Who was the person that did that? You're not gonna take a guess? That's right, it was Mr. Newt! The last guy who gave us a balanced budget. Now, there are a lot of other Republicans involved...but Gingrich was Speaker. The last time this budget was - the last time there was true welfare reform, the last time government was cut, Gingrich did it."

Gingrich said he appreciated the endorsement and that he had always admired El Rushbo for his values and patriotism.

"Rush is a man who believes strongly in the sanctity of marriage, just as I do,"said the former Speaker, "In fact he feels so strongly about it that he has sanctified himself four times. I'm only on number three, but the odds are I'll catch up with him.

"He is also a patriot, choosing not to endanger his country and other troops by serving with an anal cyst in Vietnam, just as I chose the better part of valor, or as my own website states: Gingrich received a draft deferment during the Vietnam War owing to the fact that he was studying at the time in Tulane University and he had children. In addition, he was also impaired with short-sightedness and had flat feet (pes planus).

"But as one can see, these issues have not kept me from amassing huge piles of cash and clawing my way to the top of the Republican heap. Whereas short-sightedness might be a handicap in some situations, in the GOP it is a positive boon. And my flat feet keep me from tipping over due to my vast bulk."

Mr. Limbaugh also praised Gingrich for his abrasive, mean-spirited, Sherman's-march-to-the-sea approach to politics, saying, "Newt and I have proven once and for all that fat, pasty white guys aren't all just jolly fun. You want nice, vote for fucking Santa Claus."

© 2011 Kona Lowell