Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Romney Mania Begins!

Mymanchester, NH. After Mitt Romney's historic back to back wins in Iowa and New Hampshire, the Republican party is coalescing around their new conservative savior. Romney's stunning eight vote victory in Iowa and his 39% landslide in New Hampshire have all but sealed the deal. Matt Rhoades, Romney's campaign manager, had this to say about the surging enthusiasm for the former governor:

"When almost 4 out of 10 Republican primary voters in the great state of New Hampshire say you're the man, it becomes crystal clear that Romney mania is sweeping the country! Now on to South Carolina where we have a really good chance to maybe beat Rick Santorum! Then on to Florida! Yeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaaaaa!!!!"

Exit polls revealed that while Ron Paul was a heavy favorite among GOP voters, there was concern about whether he would be allowed to serve a full term if institutionalized. Santorum also fared well with evangelicals who had never googled his name. Gingrich was continuing his downward trend except among nasty, vengeful, white, adulterous millionaires. Perry was holding steady among Tea Party supporters and toothless rednecks with the middle name "Bob." Huntsman was climbing among Republican voters who prefer Mormons fluent in Mandarin who are not named Mitt. But Romney was still maintaining his lead.

"He's the exact opposite of Obama," said Spud Geiser of Hart's Location, NH, "You just can't get any whiter."

©2012 Kona Lowell 

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