Manchester, NH. Republican candidate Mitt Romney's day began badly when he responded to a doorbell at his mansion in New Hampshire this morning. Not accustomed to answering the door himself, it took Mr Romney several minutes to negotiate the door lock, but once he had it open, he found no one there.
Instead, on the porch, under the vaulted marble entryway, was a brown paper bag burning and smoking. Seeing no servants in the vicinity, Mr. Romney proceeded to stomp on the bag until the fire was extinguished. It was then that he noticed a terrible smell and discovered he had some sort of feces, most likely from a dog, on his $3,000 Italian dressing slippers.
Police have been questioning the neighbors and it appears that a Mr. Jonas Oldacre was out retrieving his morning paper when he saw a rotund, white-haired gentleman leaving the Romney house. The unknown man hastily entered a limousine in which a well-coifed blond woman was sitting. The limousine left too quickly for Mr Oldacre to gather any further details.
"I'm sure I've seen him somewhere before," said Mr. Oldacre, "Maybe Tiffany's.
©2012 Kona Lowell