Washington, DC. Newt Gingrich's startling and meteoric rise in the polls has some pundits, other smart people and even GOP candidates calling foul. It seems that Mr Gingrich has demonstrated a pattern of behavior that calls into question his legitimacy and intent as a presidential candidate.
"Mr Gingrich is a political hobbyist," said Ed Rollins, campaign strategist most recently aiding Michelle Bachmann in her failed attempt to appear marginally electable. "Running for president is just something he enjoys doing. Like stamp collecting or model trains. There is no room in this important process for a hobbyist."
"Look, I like collectin' horseshoes, fossilized cow pies and those other things, what do you call them? You know, they're about his big," said Governor Rick Perry, "but this is serious business. Newt should stick with collectin' wives. This ain't no hobby."
"The country is in dire shape. A hobbyist is the last thing we need," said Mitt Romney. "Mr Gingrich should stick to incendiary book writing and film making. But I must say, his collection of Faberge eggs is first-rate."
"I am not now nor have I ever been a hobbyist," proclaimed the former speaker in his own defense. "I take both the office of the presidency and the monumental task of campaigning for it with the utmost seriousness and pomposity. Now, I need to run. I have seven book signings and a showing of Muslims in the Woodpile to attend. I'll speak more about this after I get back from a quick fact-finding trip to Aruba."
© 2011 Kona Lowell