Monday, November 28, 2011

Vlad the Impaler Dead, Paper Endorses Gingrich

Concord, NH. The Manchester Union Leader, bulwark of New English conservatism, has given its endorsement to Newt Gingrich. Known in political circles as a "king-maker," the Union Leader has in the past selected John McCain, Pat Buchanan, Steve Forbes and Pete du Pont to champion the Republican message.

"Newt Gingrich is by no means the perfect candidate. But Republican primary voters too often make the mistake of preferring an unattainable ideal to the best candidate who is actually running. In this incredibly important election, that candidate is Newt Gingrich," the editorial board wrote in Sunday's edition.

"Besides, Vlad the Impaler is dead and wasn't a native-born American citizen anyway."

The Union Leader asserts that the former speaker has not only what is needed to oust President Obama, but can provide "innovative, forward-looking strategy and positive leadership."

"If there's anything we know about Mr. Gingrich, it is his ability to resurrect himself, Phoenix-like, from the ashes of his past. Here's a man who's marital infidelity is not only legendary but soars to rarified heights of hypocrisy, a man who was literally driven out of Congress for ethics violations, a man who has seemingly done nothing since but enrich himself financially by whatever means necessary, and yet he stands on the front steps of the White House, poised to lead this nation to greatness once again. That is a true conservative, a true Republican" the Union Leader added.

"Our state motto is 'Live free or die.' We are certain that Mr. Gingrich will make at least one of those options reality."

Meanwhile, Mitt Romney, who has met several times with Union Leader publisher, Joseph W. McQuaid, in hopes of receiving the much-coveted endorsement, is said to be rethinking and honing his oral sex technique.

© 2011 Kona Lowell

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