Sunday, November 27, 2011

Rush Limbaugh Eats Shit, Dies

Palm Beach, FL. The Golden Microphone was forever silenced this morning and the entertainment world stunned as veteran radio host Rush Limbaugh passed away after apparently ingesting copious amounts of feces, leaving his vast army of "Ditto-heads" leaderless and bewildered.

Details are still sketchy, but attending gastroenterologist, Kenyan-born Dr. Jomo wa Ngugu, had this to say:

"We do not know what happened to Mr. Limbaugh, but one can only surmise that if millions of people worldwide are simultaneously willing one to do something, it may have a deleterious effect on one's behavior."

Services are pending, and may be held in the Dominican Republic. Purdue Pharma, makers of OxyContin, are also bracing for a decline in stock value Monday morning when the market opens.

Meanwhile, Glenn Beck is listed in serious but stable condition at Parkland Hospital in Dallas after apparently attempting to have sexual intercourse with himself.

© 2011 Kona Lowell

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