Congressman Joe Walsh Wins Pro-Family Award

Despite owing his ex-wife $117,000 in child support, deadbeat dad and freshman Congressman Joe Walsh (R-IL) was honored yesterday by the Family Research Council for his unswerving devotion to family values. Said FRC President Tony Perkins, "We thank Cong. Walsh who has voted consistently to defend faith, family and freedom. Cong. Walsh and other ‘True Blue Members’ have voted to repeal Obamacare, de-fund Planned Parenthood, end government funding for abortion within the health care law, uphold the Defense of Marriage Act, and continue support for school choice. I applaud their commitment to uphold the institutions of marriage and family.”

Walsh proudly accepted the award and said, "I am glad to play a role in taking health care away from millions of Americans, assuring that thousands more women will die from preventable cancers and back-alley abortions, denying equal rights to gay Americans and weakening the public school system this country was built upon. I thank Tony Perkins and the Family Research Council for their grand apocalyptic vision and for helping to make it a reality."

Asked about his future plans, Walsh stated that he would like to run for president, but first intended to father several more children with various women and leave them to fend for themselves because nothing creates character like "pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps."

Meanwhile, musician Joe Walsh, known for hit songs like "Rocky Mountain High" and "Life's Been Good to Me So Far" is going through the legal process to change his name.

"I never thought there would be anyone more fucked up than me with the same fucking name. It's fucking embarrassing."

© 2011 Kona Lowell