Friday, September 30, 2011

Mayor Bloomberg Ends Occupy Wall St. Protest

New York City, NY. Mayor Michael Bloomberg effectively ended the nascent protest movement going on in Wall St. today when he appeared on the John Gambling radio show and chided protesters for targeting bankers who are "struggling to make ends meet."

"I had no idea," sobbed out-of-work teacher, Vicki Chauk, "just how much these poor people were suffering! One of the bankers had to let two of his gardening staff go this morning and the three he kept are now having to do double-duty in the polo stables. I'm sorry, I just can't talk any more right now."

"I just feel dirty," said Josh Tanner, a local student. "Do you have any idea how much it costs to scrape the barnacles off a 200 foot yacht? That means some barnacle-scraper guy isn't going to eat tonight. I'm going home."

"I'm stopping by the church on the way home," said firefighter Dale Ash, "and go to confession. I only hope there is still forgiveness for me. It's like tripping a handicapped person. Truffle sales are down and these poor souls are having to eat regular mushrooms. Dear sweet Jesus. I'm outta here."

Meanwhile, the rest of the 1,000 or so protesters were rolling up their sleeping bags, packing up their drums, picking up any loose trash and apologizing to the police. A few will remain to take up a collection for the bankers' families.

"It's the least we can do," said unemployed accountant Tim Cratchit, "I may have lost my job, but not my heart. God bless them every one."

© 2011 Kona Lowell 

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