Lebanon, NH. Today New Jersey Governor Chris Christie threw his considerable weight behind Mitt Romney, endorsing him for the GOP presidential nomination. Said Christie, "I believe he's the best person to be able to articulate Republican values as well as the best candidate to defeat President Barack Obama in 2012.
"He will be able to carry out our anti-union, corporatist agenda in a much more stealthy manner than I would have been able to do. I'm not too good at sneaking up on people, but Mitt has been a political ninja for years.
"I would have gone with Perry, but he even scares me. I think it's the eyes. They're even beadier than mine. Mitt is white bread. I love white bread. No, I don't mean I like white bread, I mean I love it. I could eat several loaves of it at a time. With bologna or peanut butter or big dollops of lard. But Mitt, he's like a big fresh loaf of Wonder Bread. Everybody loves Wonder Bread. And Twinkies."
Romney thanked Governor Christie for his endorsement and called him a "real Republican hero" or at least a foot long sub with lots of peppers and cheese.
"I am going to work very hard to be worthy of this endorsement, "said Romney. "The Governor is also going to give me a bit of coaching on how to talk and act like a real human. I'm watching Jersey Shore reruns, too. I've got one line down perfectly now, which I intend to use in tonight's debate: 'Please, you should really forget about that!' I will be saying that a lot."
Romney and his wife also had a shipping container of Wonder Bread delivered to the New Jersey Governor's mansion as a parting gift.
© 2011 Kona Lowell