Friday, October 21, 2011

Obama Authorizes Use of Military Force

Washington, DC. Fresh off yet another foreign policy victory, President Barack Obama today again authorized the use of US military force to combat terror.

"It is my job as Commander in Chief to protect the lives and security of the American people. There is nothing more important in my job description. This country is under attack. I will not stand idly by and watch our great nation be destroyed. Therefore, I have met with Defense Secretary Leon Panetta and General Dempsey, head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and authorized the use of military force to eliminate the leaders of the Republican Party. They can run, but they cannot hide. They must realize that we will find them. Thank you. Chuck?"

"Mr President, is this strictly legal? The Republican Party is comprised of American citizens."

"So was Anwar al-Awlaki, Chuck, and he did far less damage to this nation than these home-grown terrorists have done. They must be stopped before they do even more irreparable damage. They are decimating the middle class and the working poor. Our economy is on the verge of total collapse. The very life of our nation is at stake. John?"

"Mr President, are you planning on putting boots on the ground or using special ops?"

"John, I don't want to get into specifics right now. We believe this can be done efficiently and with minimal troops, and of course predator drones are available. The main thing is we must stop them before they get their hands on the nuclear option. Thank you and may God bless America."

© 2011 Kona Lowell 

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