Wednesday, October 19, 2011

GOP Narrows Its Sights

Washington, DC. Republicans are employing a new strategy to win the presidential election in 2012 and extend their power into the coming decades. They are focusing all their effort on gaining complete control of the 1% of Americans with the most wealth and political influence.

For some time, the GOP was content to only alienate gays, blacks and Latinos. "I'm not going to campaign by getting up on stage and singing show tunes in Spanish while break-dancing," vowed Mitt Romney, "Any way, I've got a bad back."

But today's GOP is ridding itself of union workers, women, the young, the unemployed, first responders, the poor and the grumbling middle class in an effort to make the "Big Tent" smaller and more effective.

"We can't make everybody happy," said Mitch McConnell (R-KY), "But we can make the very wealthy 1% simply delirious. Pleasing the middle class is a zero-sum game. But trying to help the poor, well, that's like being an actual Christian. No percentage in that."

Asked how they would manage to get enough votes from 1% of the population to overcome the other 99%, Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) shrugged and said, "The same way we always do."

© 2011 Kona Lowell 

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