Saturday, October 1, 2011

Obama Admits to Being the Antichrist

Washington, DC. This morning in a hastily announced Rose Garden speech, President Barack Obama admitted that he was indeed the Antichrist.

"Okay, you got me. Geez you guys know how to ruin an October Surprise. So, yes, I am the Antichrist and as soon as I'm re-elected I will be moving the White House to Jerusalem and beginning my reign of world domination. Fortunately I'm already on good terms with Bibi, although abolishing the Knesset won't be a picnic. I'm hoping a few signs and wonders will do the trick. Right now I'm working on that one where it looks like my thumb can be taken off and put back on. Chuck?"

"Mr President, are you ready to announce who will be your False Prophet?"

"Chuck, we're still working on that. We're talking to Dr Phil's people right now, but nothing has been decided. Thanks, I've got to go. Need to work on the thumb trick. Goddamn you, and goddamn the United States of America. Oh, yes, stop by the booth on the way out and get the mark of the beast on your foreheads and hands. You think this recession has been hell, try buying anything without those."

© 2011 Kona Lowell 


  1. I have heard rumors that John Boehner is being picked for the position of false prophet. However, he insists that were he would take that role, the Bible and other religious scriptures would have to include language supporting lower taxes for camel owners and tent makers.

  2. And of course repealing the ban on money changers in the temple.