Friday, October 7, 2011

Wall St. Counter-Protest Goes Awry

New York, NY. Upset by the burgeoning Occupy Wall St. protests, several dozen bankers organized a counter-protest in the hopes of getting their own message out and squelching the movement in its infancy. Called Occupy Main St., the bankers loaded up several stretch limousines and headed to Bedford-Stuyvesant, where they erected several large solar-powered yurts in Fulton Park.

Said Tad Walmarton III, "We bankers have rights as well, you know. If you intend to encamp in our front yard, we shall therefore encamp in yours. I have experienced rough and tumble living before, when as a young lad I spent two weeks at French camp in the Adirondacks. My fellow bankers likewise have erstwhile experience in dealing with the vagaries of inconvenient living and we intend to stay until our non-negotiable demands are acceded to."

With that, the string quartet began playing "We Shall Overcome" as waiters dispensed champagne and finger sandwiches to the protesters. Area residents began to gather and some jeering was heard.

Unfortunately, when we returned the following morning to report on the OMS protest progress, there was no one to be found. All the yurts were gone and no sign of the campers was to be seen. Police dogs were called in and followed a pâté trail that led out of the park, but it ended in a blind alley.

"Well, I'm stumped," said Lieutenant McMahon. "They just disappeared. It's the damnedest thing. No one saw nothin'. I'm leanin' towards space alien abduction."

Police ask that if you have any information on the missing bankers to please call the non-emergency number at the station and leave a message.

© 2011 Kona Lowell