New Pew Survey of Tea Party Members

Washington, DC. Today the Pew Research Center released a new survey of the Tea Party designed to determine their beliefs on a number of historical events as well as issues both scientific and political. It is hardly surprising that most members tend to vote Republican and lean to the right on social issues, but many sociologists were surprised that so many of their firmly held beliefs had no basis in reality. For example:

89% of Tea Party members believe that corporations are not only people, but most likely their real parents.

76% believe that Benjamin Franklin invented the kite and the phrase associated with it.

91% believe that President Obama is not only a Muslim from Kenya that is probably the Antichrist, but is also secretly rigging NASCAR.

73% believe that Jesus was a blond-haired, blue-eyed Norwegian that looked nothing like the Palestinians in his neighborhood. This is the only thing they agree with the Mormons on.

81% believe that they have seen Elvis at Walmart and that he looks pretty good for a guy his age, even in spandex.

87% believe that Sarah Palin won on Jeopardy twice, but the liberal lamestream media would not run the damn episodes.

99% believe the Arab world hates us for our Fritos.

74% believe that country music will be played in heaven. On banjos.

93% believe that fluoride in the water caused their teeth to fall out, not Mountain Dew, those little chocolate donuts or Auntie Billie's pralines.

84% believe that everyone should have a gun (except gays, liberals, Muslims, immigrants and minorities).

96% believe that Marcus Bachmann is not gay, just very, very happy.

81% believe that a romantic dinner requires candles, mood music, taking the chicken out of the bucket and using napkins.

78% believe that Democrats want to take away their gums.

98% believe that gay cousins should not be able to marry.

100% believe that the Tea Party is a real, grassroots movement and that they are not being useful idiots for corporate entities who will chuckle as they die in poverty, ignorance and shame due to the lack of health care they fought against.

© 2011 Kona Lowell