Austin, TX. A haggard-looking Gov. Rick Perry faced reporters this morning to address the growing controversy over the name of a hunting camp on the Clear Fork of the Brazos River that his family and friends have enjoyed for decades. The uproar began when it became known that the camp had a large rock at its entrance with the word "Niggerhead" on it. Although the offending rock had eventually been painted over and apparently now removed, it is still causing trouble for Perry's campaign.
Perry stated last week that the word on the rock was an “offensive name that has no place in the modern world.” This declaration, however, has still not removed the cloud that is causing his staff to scramble to keep the candidate from sinking further in the polls.
"People who know me will tell you I am not a racist," said the Governor this morning. "I have appointed more colored people than anyone else in Texas. It's time we moved beyond this distraction and got back to talking about the problems facing our country and the terrible job President Obama has been doing. As you know, we painted over this rock some time ago, right after my family came back from a fishing trip at Greasy Spic Lake. I thought that would be the end of it, but the uproar continued. Then, last winter when we were on a skiing vacation, I called a neighbor from our chalet, Big-Nosed Kike Lodge, and had the rock removed."
"Where was it removed to, Governor?"
"Jim, we threw it away where it would cause no more trouble. Dropped it right to the bottom of Old Slant-Eyed Chink Pond. Now, if you'll excuse me I still have a state to run and a campaign to win."
© 2011 Kona Lowell