Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Republicans Debut Work Program for Veterans

Washington, DC. Today President Obama announced another executive action, this time to put returning veterans to work. The initiative would hopefully put 8,000 returning vets to work in Community Health Centers. “I think all Americans can agree that veterans shouldn’t have to fight for a job once they’ve come home from the fight overseas,” said Matt Flavin, director of the Veterans, Military Families and Wounded Warrior Task Force.

Republicans, however, were not convinced. "This is nothing but a campaign ploy," said Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), "We want to provide real work for these returning veterans. So we are proposing our own initiative, the Keep Them Fighting Plan. These men and women are trained for one thing: fighting wars, which means blowing things up and killing people. We spent a lot of money training them to do this. And we're just going to waste it? Not on my watch!"

Asked how the plan would work, McConnell stated, "We start another war with someone. There's always a country somewhere that needs a good ass-whipping. Iran would be a good choice. Then we have instant employment for all these well-trained veterans. In fact, the way I see it, we're going to have a lot of vacancies to fill. All those college kids that can't find work will be able to start right away. Unemployed minorities, too. It's a win-win."

The plan was revealed this morning on Fox & Friends where it met with overwhelming approval of the viewing audience and was hailed by Steve Doocey as "a real economic jump-start for the weapons industry, yellow ribbon business and prosthetics makers."

© 2011 Kona Lowell